I See You, New Mama

I see you, as you feel the first flutters and kicks of pregnancy. You experience a true miracle- precious human life growing from nothing inside of you.

I see your anticipation as you get a phone call from the agency- there is a baby who needs a home. You find magic in the truth that you can love a child you only just met.

I see you hold your baby and know that you have a higher purpose in this life. You abandon so much, and commit to doing the best you can for this sweet innocent child.

I see you look at your partner and fall in love all over again as you watch them care for this- your new family. This is the good stuff you have dreamt of for so long.

I see you push through sleepless nights, never-ending tears, and pure exhaustion. You pour yourself completely out in an effort to be the best mama you can.

I see you feeding and sustaining an actual human’s life. Before now, you had never kept a houseplant alive, BUT YOU ARE DOING IT!

I see you beam with pride when your baby does something new for the first time. Every coo and cute little sound is met with genuine excitement and hope for the future. Your conversations begin to center around developmental milestones and what the baby is doing right now.

I see you experience an intense brand of anxiety that leaves you paralyzed with a fear that something is about to go wrong. The what-if and the maybes run wild in your mind and leave your nerves worn completely raw.

I see you brush off visits and phone calls from friends. There is so much to do, and your home and your hair are a mess.

I see that your whole life revolves around your child. So much of your wants and needs are pushed down deep.

I see you breakdown in tears because you are so freakin’ tired, and motherhood is more brutal than you ever imagined.

BUT, I also see that you are about to pull yourself back up. This season is harder than you could have imagined, but things will settle down.

You will sleep again, mama. You will, one day soon, be able to wear the same shirt all day long without huge spots of spit-up on it You will have plans and conversations that aren’t all about your baby.

You will find a rhythm and a routine that is sustainable and leaves you with a minute to breathe. You will ask for help, and know that there is no shame in not being able to do it all.

You will realize that you were made to be a mama, but you also have permission to be more than ‘just’ a mama. You will remember that you were someone long before you had a baby, and that person still matters.

You know that every new mom has felt these same feelings, and that it shouldn’t be taboo to talk about them. The moments of questions and doubts don’t discount the love you have for your baby.

Sure, life will always be chaotic and busy, but know that. You also need to know that this season- this in the weeds, no sleep, gasping for air season--it’s not going to last forever.

Your little one is changing and growing every day, but so are you. Be patient with yourself, and know that the tough times don’t last forever.

You are doing a good job, mama.