There is a Lot I Don't Know as an Adoptive Mom

The social worker from my son’s adoption sent me a message yesterday. She was cleaning out her office and found one of my son’s baby pictures, which was taken months before we met him.

I had never seen this picture before yesterday, and I had never seen him make that facial expression.

I wondered who took it.
Where was he?
What kind of mood was he in?

As an adoptive mama, there is so much I don’t know.

I don’t know his birth story.

I don’t know much about his biological family.

I leave big sections of forms blank at doctor appointments, because I don’t know family medical history.

I don’t know if his big handsome smile, his stubborn streak, or his inclination to always be a helper is hereditary.

I don’t have any stories from infancy to share.
I don’t know when he first crawled.
I wasn’t there for his first steps.
I don’t know what his first words were.

I do, however, know this information will one day be important to him.

It is human nature to want to know where you came from. People crave information about their genealogy and ancestry. Companies like ‘23 & Me’ are part of a 3 billion dollar industry built on this innate curiosity.

I don’t know how he will handle getting older and realizing that so much of his heritage and life before us is a mystery.

I don’t know what battles he may face or what feelings he may one day wrestle.

BUT, I do know that he is loved, more than I would have thought possible before becoming mama.

I do know the same little face looking up at the camera before we even knew he existed, that same sweet face brings joy and light to our family every day.

I do know he is fearfully and wonderfully made.

I do know there is an amazing story being told through his life, and some of the best endings have come after painful beginnings.

I do know that not one of us had a say in how we came into this world, the family we were born into, or the struggles we face- but we do have control of our how we choose to live and love.

And, I know that my son is going to live big and love well. He is destined for greatness, and I don’t need a baby book or a family tree to tell me that.