Things I Google: Postpartum Mom Edition

Having grown up in an era of usernames, passwords, and instant everything, it's probably no surprise to you, dear reader, that I have a habit of googling anything and everything at all times, without hesitation. Sure, there are times when I want to "challenge myself" to figure out the indecipherable words to a song (don't even get me started-- my friends know I am NOTORIOUS for mishearing lyrics-- alas, that's another post for another day), but really, why wait?

As soon as google kicked Ask Jeeves to the corner, Google became my go-to. I consider Google more of a well-read friend than a search engine. Creepy? Probably. Exactly what google wants me to think? Definitely. Am I sorry? Not even a little bit.

Nothing could have prepared me, though, for my search history once those babies came out.

“WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!?” I screamed internally to myself.

I couldn’t text my mom.

I couldn’t text my friends.

And so… I asked google.

Here is a sampling:

Big underwear
Big attractive underwear
Full coverage undies cute
Normal belly button pics
Umbilical hernia
Umbilical hernia repair
Can you tattoo belly button to look normal
Do belly tattoos hurt
Mom jeans
Cool mom jeans
Hipster high waisted jeans
Can you wear denim on denim now
Will my boobs ever be the same
Will my boobs ever perk up again
Cost of a boob job
Do boob jobs hurt
Bras to make both boobs look same size
Gray hair under 30
Just for Men hair dye but for women
Hole between my abs
Mote between my abs
Drawbridge in front of house
Dr house
Is there a real dr house
Can dr house diagnose my weird belly button
Why do I never sleep when my baby sleeps

What did you Google as a postpartum mom? Leave it in the comments below!